Australia God's Greatest Creation

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ's

He created night for going prawning,sleeping and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, God created water - for surfing, - swimming and BBQ's on the beach , and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with . So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good ..... Well... Almost good.

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bl%$dy Awesome!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!!!!

Peter Morley's Joke of The Week

In Celebration of the Chinese New Year..

A man was walking through Chinatown when he noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry."

Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an old Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.

"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.

"Is simple," says the old Oriental man.

"Many, many year ago when come to this country, stand in immigration line behind a big German guy. Immigration lady look at him and go, "What your name?"

He say, "Hans Schmidt."

Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sam Ting."

George Bush Memorable MashUps

'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'
- George W. Bush

'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'
- George W. Bush

'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor,
and that one word is 'to be prepared'.'
-George W. Bush


'I have made good judgments in the past.
I have made good judgments in the future.'
- George W. Bush

'The future will be better tomorrow.'
- George W. Bush

'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.'
- George W. Bush

'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'
- George W Bush

'We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO.
We have a firm commitment to Europe . We are a part of Europe '
- George W. Bush

'Public speaking is very easy.'
- George W. Bush

'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.'
- George W. Bush

'I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --
but I don't always agree with them.'
-George Bush

'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
- George W. Bush

'For NASA, space is still a high priority.'
-George W. Bush

'Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.'
-George W. Bush

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
- George W. Bush

Crowd at StumpJump Business Summit in Perth

It might the darkest of times but these people took time out of their busy life to share ideas with Mike Smith, Paul Dunn, Warren Black and me, Wayne Mansfield.

Make sure you look out for the next summit in a city near you.

Mike Smith Sharing Secrets of Trading

Mike Smith gave a tremendous session on the NEW Share market and how to create cashflow whatever is going on.. up or down.

People came up to me at the break and said "Mike was really great"

Paul Dunn at StumpJump Business Summit

Paul Dunn getting ready for his session at today's StumpJump Business Summit and prompting his iPhone

BBQ RULES

New Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn

BBQ RULES We are about to enter the BBQ season.

Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Seth Godin on Email Tactics

How to send a personal email

Here are some easy to follow tips that will help you avoid being seen as a spammer, or having your emails trashed or ignored. The thing is this: email reduces friction. Greedy, lazy organizations have embraced this and tried to figure out how to blast as many emails as they can as cheaply as they can, relying on the law of large numbers. The real law of large numbers is, "using large numbers is against the law."

I want you to add friction back in. If you want to be seen as being personal, the best strategy is to be personal, which is slow and expensive.

1. Don't send the same email to large numbers of people.
2. If you have more than a few people to contact, you'll be tempted to copy and paste or mail merge. Don't. You'll get caught. It shows. If it's important enough for someone to read, it's important enough for you to rewrite.
3. Careful with the salutation. Don't write, "Dear Claudia," if you don't usually write "Dear" at the beginning of all your emails.
4. Don't mush the salutation together with the rest of the note. If I had a dollar for every email that started, "Joe, When experts come together..." That's not personal. That's lazy merging. See rule 1.
5. Don't send HTML or pictures. Personal email doesn't, why are you?
6. Don't talk like a press release. Talk like a person. A person is reading this, so why are you talking like that?
7. Be short. The purpose of an email is not to sell the person on anything other than writing back. If you don't have a personal, interesting way to start a conversation, don't write.
8. Don't send an email only when you really need something. That's not personal, that's selfish.
9. Do you have a sig with a phone number in it? Your phone number? If you don't trust me enough to give me your real phone number, I don't trust you enough to read your mail.
10. Don't mark your email urgent. Urgent to you is not urgent to me.
11. Don't lie in your subject line, and don't be cute. You're not clever enough to be cute. Just be honest.
12. Following up on an impersonal spam email is twice as dumb as sending the first one. Invest the time to do it right the first time.
13. Anticipated, personal and relevant permission mail will always dramatically outperform greedy short-term spam. I promise.
14. Just because you have someone's email address doesn't mean you have the right to email them.

Success Secret 2: Don't Waste Money on Invisible Extras

Michael Masterson says in Ready Fire Aim that you shouldn't waste money on "impressive" stuff which you clients and customers will never see. Asquire as much as possible by borrowing, begging and using second hand... upgrade later when you have a profitable business.

Australian readers get Ready Fire Aim at Fishpond

Success Secret 1: Forget Marketing, Just Sell

Michael Masterson says in Read Fire Aim don't be lured into the fun of creating fancy brochures, cards, websites, or any other CORPORATE marketing materials. They help sell your business which you can do later. Stage 1 of a business is about selling your product, not your company.

Flat White supreme quality Primo Cafe Hay Street Perth

I think I have found Perth's best coffee... especially at 6am week days...

Primo Caffe Hay Street Perth opposite Mercedes College cnr Victoria Avenue... tell them Wayne sent you

Primo Coffee disturbed by shattering glass

My early morning coffee was disturbed to day by senseless vandilism. The front plate glass window, right near where I usually sit for my 6.30am flat white, is smashed by some lout with nothing better to do...

What is it with these p*****'s don't they have some respect of others property??

I am annoyed this morning in paradise... that's now passed as I let you know about it.

Pictures are from my iPhone... on the spot reporting.

Good Trade

A saleswoman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.

"If you're wondering what's in the bag," offered the saleswoman, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman is silent for a while, nods several times and says..."good trade."

Parking Ticket Walcott Stree Mount Lawley January 1?

Took Joanne to Breakfast at the Globe Coffee House on Walcott Street Mount Lawley on New Years Day. We left home just after 8.15 and arrived before 8.30. Great parking spot right outside the door... what a start to 2009

Joanne says as we walk to the coffee shop - "that guys writing you a parking ticket."

Well, how could that be?? It's a public holiday - don't these guys have the day off!!

Anyway, it's a private security firm and he must be on a quota.

Luckily I think of parking tickets as "good luck" and 2009 has started well.

Hang on... the signs say restrictions start at 9am and its only 8.30 - what the??

So, I use the iPhone camera to record the details - that's a new app for iPhone. I wonder if I can sell it on the AppsShop??

The Way Today’s Web Changes Things

“You CAN do things a lot more streamlined than before. You don’t need an IT team. You need a nerd. You don’t need millions of dollars. You need day jobs. You don’t need a million customers. You need the right 10,000.”

Chris Brogan Blog Guru