Worlds Best One Line Joke

Probably the most thought-provoking one-liner is
" Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway."

It's sad but true—no matter what you do, you will die. This is because you have sinned against God. Let's see if that's true: Have you ever lied (even once)? Ever stolen (anything)? Jesus said, "Whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery already with her in his heart." Ever looked with lust? If you have said "Yes" to these three questions, by your own admission, you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart; and we've only looked at three of the Ten Commandments. How will you do on Judgment Day? Will you be innocent or guilty? You know that you will be guilty, and end up in Hell. That's not God's will. He provided a way for you to be forgiven. He sent His Son to take your punishment: "God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus then rose from the dead and defeated death. "Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"—everlasting life. Then read the Bible daily and obey what you read. God will never let you down.

How to Get A Job

Paul Singh, ResultsJunkies.com –

“Here’s how I got more referrals than I could handle. I made a list of the top 10 companies that I really wanted to work with. Then, I documented a few high-level strategic ways I’d grow their business, and some tactical tips they could improve immediately.

When I sent the document (which was usually anywhere from 5-7 pages long) via email and snail mail to the founder, I always made sure that they understood that I was giving them this advice free. More importantly, I made it really clear that I’d be happy to give them as much advice as they’d like for free.

The only catch is that I’d want to send them a proposal if they wanted me to actually do the work myself.”

The Internet - Better than Sex?

If, after everything you've read in Early to Rise, you still doubt that the Internet is the best place to do business, consider this: According to a recent Harris Interactive poll, 46 percent of women and 30 percent of men would rather give up sex for two weeks than Web surfing.

The study, conducted on behalf of Intel, further found that 65 percent of U.S. adults say they can't live without the Internet. They consider access vital for business transactions, shopping, personal finances, staying in touch with friends and family, and more.

Source: Early to Rise quoting The Wall Street Journal and Harris Interactive

Peter Morley's Joke of The Week

Christmas Shepherd

One Christmas, two blokes built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.

'Look at that, said one bloke to the other 'That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!'

Iraqi Footballer

Iraqi Footballer

Russel Crowe flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play rugby league and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to South Sydney. He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.

Two weeks later Rabbits are down 10 nil to Easts with only 10 minutes left.

The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 3 tries in 10 minutes and wins the game for South Sydney! The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.

When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of Australian Rugby League.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 10 nil down, but I scored 3 tries and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media...

'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'

The young Iraqi is very upset.

'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'

'Sorry? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Redfern in the first place!'

To be In Awe

"Stop asking me to be practical, to be reasonable, to look at logic, to do the responsible thing.
You are now forewarned: if you are to be a friend of mine you will do nothing to ensure that my feet are on the ground. If you need me, don't look for me in the company of levelheaded people. They bore me. They weigh me down with statistics and stories of dream-flyers who melted their wings and fell into the sea. So what if I get a little wet?

Never to be surprised is to stop God in his tracks. I don't want to understand anything anymore.

I want to be in Awe!"

insightful words from George Leonard

Red Wine Keeps for 4 days

Robust red wines will last for 4 days after opening if you take a few steps to keep them fresh.

With many great wines now coming with screw cap closures, a glass a night means that your bottle can last for 4 nights. [ not often for me! ]

Recommended Merlot: Lilac Hill Tall Towers

Murdoch The Man Who Owns The News

Rupert Murdoch doesn't show off. What you see is what you get. He is an old man, with a crevasses face, in inauspicious suits, with an ever prsent singlet under his white shirt. He might be worth $10 billion, give or take, but the money has never been the thing.

Excerpt: The Man Who Owns The News by Michael Wolff my Christmas reading.

Prevent Static Fires at the Petrol Pump

You probably know not to light up a cigarette when refueling your car. But there's another fire danger at the petrol pump you may not be aware of: static electricity.

According to a survey from the Petroleum Equipment Institute (PEI), most static fires occur when people return to their cars during the refueling process. You can pick up an electrical charge when sliding in or out of your car. Then, when you touch a metal surface - like the gas cap or the fuel nozzle - you can create a spark. The spark, in turn, ignites the fumes from the gasoline.

Approximately 100 static-related petrol station fires occur each year, according to the research firm Fowler Associates - so your chances of being involved in one are slim. However, to keep yourself - and those around you - safe while filling your tank, the PEI suggests taking these three precautions:

1. Turn off your engine.
2. Don't smoke.
3. Never re-enter your vehicle while refueling.

Gerry Harvey on Short Sellers

I would line them all up against the wall and shoot them,
all the short sellers.

Gerry Harvey